Let Me Hold You Longer

It is early April and I have gotten my wish! Not long ago, in the midst of birthdays and anniversaries and commitments run amuck, I was wishing that it would all just pass already. I had no time for me, and certainly no time for others either (no time for anything!). Now the craziness has slowed to a slightly less crazy reality (it's that quiet before the storm: baseball season!). So the other day I am relaxing on the couch and I call my son over to me. I just needed a cuddle. So he sat down and dutifully rested his head on my shoulder and then he said it. Those three words every mother loves to hear: "Are we done?"

Ugh! I could practically feel my heart breaking in two! "Are we done?!". Where is my little sweet boy who was always up for a hug? And that's when I realized I had finally gotten my "wish". The birthdays were over, as were the crazy times that March brought for me. And my oldest, Ethan, is eight. With having three babies in four years I often found myself dreaming of the days ahead. When my babies would turn to boys and maybe, just maybe there would be a time when I could walk across a room without a baby on my hip. Don't get me wrong....I am loving a little new-found freedom. But when those moments come when I realize I have long since experienced another "last" in my child's life, I do fight a tear or two. And for those moms & dads out there who are coming up on some "lasts"...well, this is for you.

I came across this poem today by Karen Kingsbury.  Read it all the way through...it's not just for those of us with little ones, it's for the soon-to-be "empty nesters", too!

Long ago you came to me,

a miracle of firsts,

First smiles and teeth and baby steps

a sunbeam on the burst.

But one day you will move away

and leave to me your past

And I will be left thinking of

a lifetime of your lasts…

The last time that I held a bottle

to your baby lips

The last time that I lifted you

and held you on my hip.

The last night when you woke up crying,

needing to be walked,

When last you crawled up with your blanket

wanting to be rocked.

The last time when you ran to me,

still small enough to hold.

The last time that you said you’d marry

me when you grew old.

Precious, simple moments and

bright flashes from your past-

Would I have held on longer if

I’d known they were your last?

Our last adventure to the park,

your final midday nap,

The last time when you wore your favorite

faded baseball cap.

Your last few hours of kindergarten,

those last few days of first grade,

Your last at bat in Little League,

last colored picture made.

I never said good-bye to all

your yesterdays long passed.

So what about tomorrow-

will I recognize your lasts?

The last time that you catch a frog

in that old backyard pond.

The last time that you run barefoot

across our fresh-cut lawn.

Silly, scattered images

will represent your past.

I keep on taking pictures,

never quite sure of your lasts…

The last time that I comb your hair

or stop a pillow fight.

The last time that I pray with you

and tuck you in at night.

The last time when we cuddle

with a book, just me and you

The last time you jump in our bed

and sleep between us two.

The last piano lesson,

last vacation to the lake.

Your last few weeks of middle school,

last soccer goal you make.

I look ahead and dream of days

that haven’t come to pass.

But as I do, I sometimes miss

today’s sweet, precious lasts…

The last time that I help you with

a math or spelling test.

The last time when I shout that yes,

your room is still a mess.

The last time that you need me for

a ride from here to there.

The last time that you spend the night

with your old tattered bear.

My life keeps moving faster,

stealing precious days that pass,

I want to hold on longer-

want to recognize your lasts…

The last time that you need my help

with details of a dance.

The last time that you ask me for

advice about romance.

The last time that you talk to me

about your hopes and dreams.

The last time that you wear a jersey

for your high school team.

I’ve watched you grow and barely noticed

seasons as they pass.

If I could freeze the hands of time,

I’d hold on to your lasts.

For come some bright fall morning,

you’ll be going far away.

College life will beckon

in a brilliant sort of way.

One last hug, one last good-bye,

one quick and hurried kiss.

One last time to understand

just how much you’ll be missed.

I’ll watch you leave and think how fast

our time together passed.

Let me hold on longer,

God,to every precious last.

Happy Birthday to my boys!

Carter, 4 and Ethan, 8.

It is the end of an era.

Buy Your Cake and Eat It Too

*I never ever thought I would create a blog. I don't even know if anyone but family will be interested in reading it. But lately I have really enjoyed a couple friends' blogs and it inspired me to write about our family and let you all in on what we like to call family life. So here goes. If it's terrible, just hang in there. Maybe it will get better.*

So we have two birthday parties coming up in 1 week. Carter will be 4 next Sunday and Ethan will be 8 on Thursday. How did this happen?!
We are having each party exactly one week apart, Sunday the 28th for CJ and Sunday March 7th for Ethan.

We have made a very difficult decision about Carter's gift, which is to get him a Nintendo DS. We just were not sure he was ready. But he has prayed for one practically every night since November. On his Christmas list were at least three different DS games, and when we asked him why he wanted games when he didn't even have a DS he would reply (rather matter-of-factly) "Santa will bring me one". And then he would pray each night "Dear Jesus bless Isabella (that's his best friend), help me to have a great day and to Santa bring me a DS". Then when asked him what he wanted from Santa, he would say "a DS". Us: "Ok but what else?" Him: "Just a DS". Us: "Yes, but is there anything else you want from Santa?" Him: "No."

Luckily he was distracted enough on Christmas Day that it did not devastate him when he did not get one. But since then he says to me often, mostly when his brothers are playing their DS's "Mom, this is ruining my life! I feel so left out" HAHAHA!!! So cute, but kinda sad too! He still prays for it at night. We found a used one on Craigslist for much less. I'm just not ok with handing a brand new $130 piece of electronics to a four year old. We are really hoping we don't regret this decision. Don't judge....you be the one to look in to these eyes when he says "You're ruining my life!". I thought we would face that with teenagers, not my 4 year old baby!

Here is Carter at Old Navy. He thought the little mannequin girl was really neat and asked me to take a picture:

Now, about Ethan...

In a week or so he will be eight. He is so grown up. He's right in that place where he still wants to be a kid half the time but wants to be grown-up too. He no longer hugs me in public unless I really guilt him in to it. *Sob*

But he does still love his Mom. Here's us this Summer at Prineville Reservoir:

So every year I pour myself in to making a great birthday cake from scratch. There is a great deal of planning that goes in to said cake. I include fondant, fancy ingredients, and make sure every last piece is perfectly placed. It is truly a masterpiece (in my own eyes). This year, since I am a working mom now, I let myself off the hook for a homemade piece of art I call a cake and decided to buy one for each of the boys. This was no easy decision. Every time I see something that inspires me I think "I could do a cake. It's really not that big of a deal". But then I snap back to reality and tell myself "No. Just NO." So then two days ago Ethan comes up to me and for the first time EVER says "Mom, will you make me a really cool cake for my birthday?"
SERIOUSLY?! Ok, seriously? I feel proud of myself, and a little guilty all at the same time. I said "Nope. This year we're buying a cake". And I am sure his birthday will be just as happy.

With all this talk of birthdays and parties, I feel the need to mention Kyle, who is really feeling left out in all of this. Isaiah's, Ethan's and Carter's birthdays are all within 3 weeks of each other. He thinks it's really unfair that everyone is doing fun birthday stuff and making lists of really cool toys they are probably going to get and he has to wait until August for his big day. Hopefully he and I can do something special soon, just the two of us. I cannot tell you how awesome this kid is. He entered kindergarten as the youngest kid in his class (by far), and was not able to read yet. Something "clicked" in December with his reading and he was off and running. He is testing way above the other kids in his class and is now working on his 1st grade reading list. He has a great sense of humor and makes me laugh every day.

Here's Kyle at the dinner table Wednesday night:

I will update this blog as often as I can. I am sure I will post more often at first to kind of "catch up" on writing about our family. I will post pictures of the birthday parties as soon as I can.