Let Me Hold You Longer

It is early April and I have gotten my wish! Not long ago, in the midst of birthdays and anniversaries and commitments run amuck, I was wishing that it would all just pass already. I had no time for me, and certainly no time for others either (no time for anything!). Now the craziness has slowed to a slightly less crazy reality (it's that quiet before the storm: baseball season!). So the other day I am relaxing on the couch and I call my son over to me. I just needed a cuddle. So he sat down and dutifully rested his head on my shoulder and then he said it. Those three words every mother loves to hear: "Are we done?"

Ugh! I could practically feel my heart breaking in two! "Are we done?!". Where is my little sweet boy who was always up for a hug? And that's when I realized I had finally gotten my "wish". The birthdays were over, as were the crazy times that March brought for me. And my oldest, Ethan, is eight. With having three babies in four years I often found myself dreaming of the days ahead. When my babies would turn to boys and maybe, just maybe there would be a time when I could walk across a room without a baby on my hip. Don't get me wrong....I am loving a little new-found freedom. But when those moments come when I realize I have long since experienced another "last" in my child's life, I do fight a tear or two. And for those moms & dads out there who are coming up on some "lasts"...well, this is for you.

I came across this poem today by Karen Kingsbury.  Read it all the way through...it's not just for those of us with little ones, it's for the soon-to-be "empty nesters", too!

Long ago you came to me,

a miracle of firsts,

First smiles and teeth and baby steps

a sunbeam on the burst.

But one day you will move away

and leave to me your past

And I will be left thinking of

a lifetime of your lasts…

The last time that I held a bottle

to your baby lips

The last time that I lifted you

and held you on my hip.

The last night when you woke up crying,

needing to be walked,

When last you crawled up with your blanket

wanting to be rocked.

The last time when you ran to me,

still small enough to hold.

The last time that you said you’d marry

me when you grew old.

Precious, simple moments and

bright flashes from your past-

Would I have held on longer if

I’d known they were your last?

Our last adventure to the park,

your final midday nap,

The last time when you wore your favorite

faded baseball cap.

Your last few hours of kindergarten,

those last few days of first grade,

Your last at bat in Little League,

last colored picture made.

I never said good-bye to all

your yesterdays long passed.

So what about tomorrow-

will I recognize your lasts?

The last time that you catch a frog

in that old backyard pond.

The last time that you run barefoot

across our fresh-cut lawn.

Silly, scattered images

will represent your past.

I keep on taking pictures,

never quite sure of your lasts…

The last time that I comb your hair

or stop a pillow fight.

The last time that I pray with you

and tuck you in at night.

The last time when we cuddle

with a book, just me and you

The last time you jump in our bed

and sleep between us two.

The last piano lesson,

last vacation to the lake.

Your last few weeks of middle school,

last soccer goal you make.

I look ahead and dream of days

that haven’t come to pass.

But as I do, I sometimes miss

today’s sweet, precious lasts…

The last time that I help you with

a math or spelling test.

The last time when I shout that yes,

your room is still a mess.

The last time that you need me for

a ride from here to there.

The last time that you spend the night

with your old tattered bear.

My life keeps moving faster,

stealing precious days that pass,

I want to hold on longer-

want to recognize your lasts…

The last time that you need my help

with details of a dance.

The last time that you ask me for

advice about romance.

The last time that you talk to me

about your hopes and dreams.

The last time that you wear a jersey

for your high school team.

I’ve watched you grow and barely noticed

seasons as they pass.

If I could freeze the hands of time,

I’d hold on to your lasts.

For come some bright fall morning,

you’ll be going far away.

College life will beckon

in a brilliant sort of way.

One last hug, one last good-bye,

one quick and hurried kiss.

One last time to understand

just how much you’ll be missed.

I’ll watch you leave and think how fast

our time together passed.

Let me hold on longer,

God,to every precious last.

Happy Birthday to my boys!

Carter, 4 and Ethan, 8.

It is the end of an era.